|FEELING BORED AND LONELY? DOES YOUR LIFE TOTALLY FUCKING SUCK?|
If you have nothing better to do with your empty pathetic meaningless life, I have the answer for you... Stalk Mistress Malice!
That's right... For the low introductory cost of only $19.99 you too can be one of the many creepers with nothing better to do then stalk my every move!
I totally understand how boring and dull your existence would be without me so instead of getting angry or upset over your continued childish antics I have decided to now assist you in your quest to be part of my life in the only way you can. Be forewarned though this special "Stalking Mistress Malice Kit" is not for everyone. If your life fills you with happiness and contentment this kit may not be for you. If you can't devote years of your miserable life to the pursuit of stalking me then you may not be dedicated enough for this program. This kit was designed specifically with the diehard Mistress Malice stalking enthusiast in mind and the creator offers no refunds if you should suddenly decide to get a fucking life.
Your monthly membership kit includes:
1. All of my online names and passwords - If you are going to be a real stalker you will need all of my online names and passwords so you can read my emails, log into my accounts, and invade my privacy in a multitude of stalkerish ways whenever you're feeling lonely without me. Why spend hours hacking into my hundreds of online accounts when you can get the information you seek in one bright and shiny kit?
2. All of my personal offline information - When you purchase this kit you will receive my home phone number and the cell phone numbers of both of my livein slaves so you can prank call us or have your friends do it for you. You will also receive my home address so you can hide in my bushes hoping to catch a glimpse of me or even better yet why not just move in next door so you can watch me each and every day? The first fifty people to order this kit will receive a free police scanner which you can use to hear my private phone calls!
3. The internet stalking manual - Well written and fully illustrated this manual you will teach you how to join every website I am a member of so you can keep tabs on me, how to create fake names so you can chat with me online, how to create clone names so you can pretend to be me online, how to convince people who do not even know me of the dangers of talking to me based on your opinion of me alone, how to enlist other mindless morons to join your personal crusade of stalking me, how to contact the terms of service police on various websites if you notice me engaging in any questionable activity that millions of others get away with every day without devoted stalkers like you to turn them in for terms of service violations, and much more!
4. Stalker club membership - Due to the rising number of Mistress Malice stalkers out there I decided to start a special club so you can all keep in touch and coordinate your next pointless maneuver in your never ending quest to annoy me. If all of you join forces it may even be possible to finally succeed in making a nuisance out of yourself despite the fact that this type of behavior mostly just inflates my already gigantic ego and secretly amuses me to no end. Membership to this club also offers newbie stalkers a chance to get advice from those who have already stalked me for years. The self appointed president of my stalking club has absolutely nothing better to do with their free time so they should be available whenever you need them and their years of stalking experience means that they're the perfect person to provide a wealth of information for beginner and advanced stalkers alike!
PS: If this kit sells well enough I will be soon offering a "Wanna Be Like Mistress Malice Kit" for all of you clueless morons out there who need indepth information on how to successfully copy my name, my creative ideas, my unique look, my personal style, and even portions of my website for your own personal use. Why waste immense amounts of time and effort trying to be original when you can copy me for only $19.99?